Run run run (sing to the tune of the Velvet Underground!)

I’ve been bobbing along for a few days now, in a kind of dazed and confused sort of way, feeling flat as a pancake. I had a review at the funny farm earlier this week, where I talked about my fears of seeing that black hole again. Well, I can see it, my fear is falling into it.  We talked about recognising those feelings and what might be triggering them, if anything.  We also talked about ways of dealing with them.  Thing is, you learn a lot about dealing with them,

If only running 13 miles was as easy as putting on a pink jacket!

putting it in to practice is something else. Things like being compassionate to yourself, giving yourself a bit of slack from the infernal self-criticism; self-soothing and acceptance. Anger was also suggested!!! (I’m really crap at that!) So for now I’m trying to self-sooth my way out of these ominous feelings, or at least to hold back them back.

We all know that exercise is meant to be good for low mood, so whilst my mood is low, rather than deep, I’m going to try and motivate myself to do some regular exercise.  I love anything that’s really physical, makes you sweat and more importantly makes you completely exhausted.  I don’t know why but I love that feeling; after the initial exhaustion I generally get a feeling of satisfaction, and on a good day, of complete exhilaration.  The difficulty I always have, when my mood starts dropping, is keeping exercise regular.  So this time I have a cunning plan…

Well, I don’t know about cunning, maybe insane would be a better word!  I thought to myself  ‘what I need is a goal, something to work towards and focus on’.  So after a particularly exhilarating 3 mile run on Wednesday I impulsively signed up for a half marathon in October, organised by the Eden Project in Cornwall.  I know!  As I pressed send, I thought omg, what have I done, 13 bloody miles of hills, you must be sodding mad!  I’ve completed ‘extreme’ challenges before – the Three Peaks Challenge and trekking the Inca Trail (with Tony Hadley no less!!!), both for the charity Action Medical Research. This challenge is different though as I’m running it independently, without the support of a charity.  Still, I thought, I’m not running all that way without trying to raise something for charity – and of course once I’ve got some sponsorship there’s no ducking out is there! (Great for my selfish reason of keeping back the black hole of doom!).  So what charity should I support? Well, there couldn’t be any doubt really could there…  It’s MIND, the charity for mental health in the UK  I’ve even set up a fundraising page and to my utter astonishment have already had sponsorship!

I’ve informed Mind that I’m fundraising for them and hope to raise £250 – but really I’d love to raise a lot more.  So I guess that means I’m going to be badgering anyone and everyone to sponsor me in this, one of my many madnesses!  And the next inevitable sentence is…

Please sponsor me to raise money for Mind by making a donation on my fundraising page at Virgin Money Giving. Go on, you know you want to – and more importantly you know I won’t shut up until you do, ha, ha!

Love Stephie x