Come down from the ceiling. NOW!

I’m coming down, down from a manic phase; to say I’m exhausted, physically and mentally, seems like an understatement.  I want that energy back again.  Enough to clear up the debris I’ve left around me would be good at this point.  Enough to get myself into the shower even.  Instead, when I’m not sleeping coma-like in my coat because it’s just too much effort to take it off, I’m sitting here in front of the laptop or the tv with a glazed expression on my face.  I don’t think the tv’s been on so much for months.  There’s a lot of crap on it isn’t there? Not that I can actually take any of it in, it’s mostly just white noise.  But then, amidst the slow down, my thoughts are still racing out of control with creative ideas.  It’s so frustrating that I don’t have the physical energy to explore them at the moment. Or the cash. Because, of course, these creative ideas need a little financial investment.  Not a lot, but a lap quilt, for example can cost around £80 in materials.  And last week I took the drastic step of putting ALL my spare cash on the electric meter, just to stop me from splurging on wee things like fabrics over the ensuing week or so.  I’m so annoyed with myself. I’m not sure you fully appreciate the frustration! I am thwarted.  And I did it to myself.

I’m sure you’re asking why I don’t just write some lists or plans of things I want to do.  Well, I’m still too racing to do that coherently.  Last week (I think it was last week, maybe the week before, I can’t remember), my CPN made me sit down with her and make a list of things I wanted to do that day, and suggested I add a few things that were ‘important’.  I scribbled a list of about 20 things I HAD to do that day. Things like sand the kitchen dresser, paint the kitchen dresser, clean the hall carpet, paint the hall walls…  She suggested that at the top of the list should be sleep, eat and have a bath and that I add maybe one other thing.  As soon as she left I ‘lost’ the list.  A thorough detective would probably have found it screwed up behind the sofa. I’m pretty certain that any list I make now will be in the same vein.  Still I could give it a go…

Things to do tomorrow

1. design and start a new quilt – I fancy a cot quilt size, don’t know why, just do
2. make a cushion for my bed – have had the insert for months and months
3. finish a cushion for my bed – have pieced a top, which needs quilting and finishing (won’t fit insert mentioned above)
4. make a cushion from the Duncan Grant fabric I have, for the sitting room – had all the materials for 5 months
5. alter my friend’s curtains that I’ve had for 8 months….
6. design and make more knitting needle cases (Idid 1, but now need to redo as it wasn’t functioning well enough)
7. finish off the nine Christmas stockings I’ve begun for christmas 2010 (presents for friends and family)
8. Finish off a load of scented hearts I’ve started (about 12, so far…)
9. design and make cushions and ‘whatever’ for exhibiting
10. join the CCA or the DGC or both…
11. finish a scarf I’m making – a belated Christmas gift (shameful)  I’VE DONE IT WRONG AGAIN  AND I’M SOBBING
12. Finish Kim’s quilt
13. Knit myself a pair of fingerless mittens
14. knit myself a jumper (using some money I was given for Christmas)
15. Pack up the Christmas decorations and put them away properly
16. Build a fence around the chicken coop
17. Build two new compost bins
18. dig over the flower beds
19. strip the chest of drawers in my room and repaint
20. finish stripping and repainting the screen in my room and repaint
21. buy/make new lampshades for every room in the house
22. decorate kim’s room
23. clean the sitting room carpet
24. paint the sitting room – it’s boring magnolia
25. paint every room in the house other than the kitchen, as they’re all in boring magnolia
26. do some drawing (Did a portrait sketch of Kim.  Must do more!)
27. do some watercolour painting
28. do some revision for the RHS gardening course I’m doing (exam in Feb)
29. finish the hand pieced quilt I’m making for the sitting room
30. plan an amazing business
31. plan the next few years of my life
32. practice my guitar (did a bit, but need to practice more regularly than I have been)
33. actually cook and eat some decent fresh food – toast is not really enough to get by on
34. be in bed before midnight – ha, ha, ha, ha!!
35. get some exercise, I’m getting fat (I appreciate that’s a subjective word here) (Went for a walk, but need something more vigorous and regular really)
36. plan a trip to The American Museum in Bath
37. Go to the surgery to collect my prescription
38. Go to the surgery for my blood test
39. Add stuff to Flickr (still more to do, but I’ve made a good start!)
40. …

Really, is it worth me going on?!  And trust me there IS plenty more!  I think you can probably tell that I still can’t see the wood for the trees, I’m just too damn tired.  And still slightly manic.  Well, in my head anyway.

And on that note, I have to go and do a few things before I go to bed  Back soon x